1. |
Longshot
03:22
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Got bored of the show
So I went home to look at the walls
And catch my thoughts but they’re all multiplying
Like dust kicked off from the floor
They spiral out and under the door
Then float up and start to stick to the ceiling
But I’m ok if you’re ok
I’m too lazy to say I’m not
Even if I wanted to explain
It would probably take too long
Can’t go back
But I keep track of all of your words
Spread them thin and dig too deep for a meaning
It’s murder but it’s a game
You like to watch me try to get away
Who knew dying could be so fucking embarassing?
But I’m ok if you’re ok
We both know it’s a longshot
Even if I wanted you to stay
We’d get caught in a deadlock
I’ll just leave it for today
Couldn’t bring myself to tell you to stop
Only ever wanted you to stay
But we’d get caught in a deadlock
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2. |
Spinning Wheel
03:35
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I’m seeing stars
Didn’t look away fast enough
Guess you left your mark
When I lose it I’ll send my regards
It’s like I’m anchored to the round-a-bout
That spinning wheel at the playground
And you get closer with every cycle
Getting off becomes consequential
I wait for the punch
But you keep your mouth shut
I wish you would scream at me
At least then I could say a few things
I was ready on sight
But you brought a ghost to a fist fight
I still fantasize it constantly
I miss New England
The smell of summer in Boston
And living in a vacuum
When getting older was fun
And so were you
I had a plan
But every round I’m dealt a bad hand
I got nothing I’m playing on tilt
And I can’t seem to sit still
I’ll never be done
Cause I can’t keep my mouth shut
I wish you’d just scream at me
Cause honestly I probably
Oh I just want validation
Say I’m just as bad as one of the Mansons
Bet you fantasize it constantly
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3. |
Zombies
03:13
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I get the urge to curl up in bed in Chicago
Try to get back what I lost in Colorado
But I get scared when I realize I don’t need it anymore
So I pick up where I left off
We got numb from boredom within a few weeks
Filled our lungs with the AC and video game zombies
But it wasn’t real, so I watched you get ripped apart on repeat
As if we needed another reason to be angry
Cause I don’t wanna be here anymore
I don’t wanna be here
I don’t wanna be here at all
I don’t wanna be here
He said I might be getting old, I’m not even twenty-five
And I’m paying rent in LA for the last time
Then when I go to the corner store I always get carded
When I walk home I’ll watch the sky as it darkens
While I beg for the end
Cause I don’t wanna be here anymore
I don’t wanna be here
I don’t wanna be here at all
I don’t wanna be here
Waiting for my life to reappear
But I don’t know that I want it anymore
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4. |
Tacoma Narrows
03:02
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You told me “calm down, make it better”
That I come around with all my weather
While California goes
You twist me up like Tacoma Narrows
An engineering disaster
From an aeroelastic flutter
That broke me in two
And they’ll show it on a 16mm
It might even make the news
Sit down call my friends
Talk until I’m not playing pretend
While everywhere else gets cold
I’ll wade in the sound of the undertow
It pushes back my shoulders
When I surface everything’s smoldering
So I look up at the moon
And you’re sitting there waving signals at me
Smiling at the view
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5. |
Prettier
03:25
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You came with me outside
I lit a cigarette and closed my lips tight
You said that I’m too young to die today
Well sorry I’ve just been down for the past decade
We walk around this town at night
And talk about how these are end times
I told you I’ll burn it down to ashes
But you said once it’s all gone
We’ll see the sky and the stars flashing
But I’m holding on to something rotten
I always do
Think I’m prettier when I’m unhappy
And so do you
I scared you in my old apartment
Scared me too but now it’s not important
I got so sad I couldn’t eat
And when you finally left
I could’ve died right there in the bed sheets
Cause I’m holding on to something rotten
I always do
Think I’m prettier when I’m unhappy
And so do you
Wrestle with myself into kindly stopping
Before I cut through
When I drop I plummet
Right into the stomach
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6. |
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I can’t call it
What I know it is
And I won’t touch you
Before the end of this
It reminds me of a fever
And that feelings are just chemicals
They say your body won’t remember
As long as the pain was all physical
I’ll forget every moment
Until you don’t exist
While I was choking you didn’t notice
And you gave me a kiss
It sounds just like a story
That you’d said was pseudo-intellectual
Sorry to be so boring
Whenever you look at me like an animal
I’ll wait to go out ‘til you turn your back
Then watch you through the windows
(I can’t call it what I know it is)
I’ll sit in my car ‘til the lights go black
And stare into my cellphone
(I can’t call it what I know it is)
I’ll sit in my car ‘til the lights go black
I’ll sit in my car ‘til the lights go black
I’ll sit in my car ‘til the lights go black
And stare into my cellphone
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7. |
Allston
02:53
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Took a train going outbound
Back to what we know
I forgot what it’s like here in April
When the rain gets under your coat
But I’ll go wherever you go
Even though it happens too quick
And it makes me sick
So I try to hold it down
But all the word vomit follows me around
I’ll be standing on this cliff forever
Got off the stop at Harvard
Went to our favorite mediocre bar
A memory I never got over
Living it wasn’t this hard
But I’ll go wherever you go
Even though it happens too quick
And it makes me sick
Cause here I know that I can’t shake the thought
That I am nothing and you were always better than anyone
You can tell me what to say forever
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8. |
Phone
02:49
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My phone is empty every morning like I’m just a memory
Collectively shared by my friends on the other end of the country
Every day is just a bad re run
And I’m just no fun
I’m still feeling blue
But I guess that’s what I’m used to
You don’t pick up at all
I’m sick to my stomach and hollowed
My sister said there’s always a way out
A hole in every plan that you might not want to patch up
And I’m still thinking about you
But I guess that’s what I’m used to
You don’t pick up at all
I’m sick to my stomach and hollowed
And I felt the strain
In the metal of my bed frame
I’m still thinking about you
But I guess that’s what I’m used to
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9. |
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Kiss me soft and tug at my clothes
Hair in my eyes and face in your skin
But I brush it off cause it only lasts a few minutes
But maybe next time I’ll say no
Maybe I’ll say no
Cause I don’t owe you everything you’ve ever wanted
And you only need me to kiss your head and make you happy
But I don’t owe you anything that you’ve ever wanted
And you don’t need me
You’d rather get another lonely girl to cry for
I only come over after 2am
So no one’s around to watch me fall as I go down
But I brush it off cause it only lasts a few minutes
But don’t call me baby
Don’t fucking call me baby
Cause I don’t owe you everything you’ve ever wanted
And you only need me to kiss your head and make you happy
But I don’t owe you anything that you’ve ever wanted
And you don’t need me
You’d rather get another lonely girl
I don’t love you
I don’t miss you
I don’t love you
I don’t need you
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10. |
Hold Me Over
02:42
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Tell me I’m smart
Tell me I’m better sober
That I’m a laugh
Something to hold me over
Am I a dream?
All encompassing?
But you don’t have to lie
Tell me I’m loved
Tell me I’m good when we go slower
That I’m always right
And I’m never getting older
I wanna believe that I’m good enough
For anybody
But I don’t wanna lie
So who do I get to blame for letting you take away
Everything?
When you don’t know what you’ve done
You don’t even know what you’ve done
But you should be able to tell when my body won’t respond
Couldn’t admit it ‘til you were gone
I just wanna be gone
Crying on the hospital lawn
So tell me I’m smart
Tell me I’m better sober
That I’m a laugh
Something to hold me over
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11. |
Mount Auburn Cemetery
03:08
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Everything was green at Mount Auburn Cemetery
It looked like a scene before jumping cold out of a long dream
Built like a labyrinth
Guilt at the center of it
Once you walk inside, the hills and stone stretch on for miles
And who wouldn’t wanna be buried under marble in a sanctuary?
Said if we got lost, we’d climb the tower and look from the top
Just like how I still feel myself at twenty climbing through me
I don’t think she’s ever leaving
You saw her then and she was beaming
Nowhere here so far even comes close to that graveyard
If I shut my eyes real hard all the memories restart
And I still see it
I still see it
I still see it
I still see it
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12. |
Looking For You
02:41
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Every time I’m getting better
Why do I go looking for you?
I reach down to pull you out
It’s the only thing I know how to do
You smile and say that you miss me
But nothing could be more cruel
You’ve got me in a hold and I feel invisible
While I watch you fill the room
Hanging on to ropes
When you already let go
I stood on the wall right beside you
To make you feel taller than me
You laughed at how small I looked
It’s your fault that I couldn’t stand to leave
Hanging on to ropes
When you already let go
But I’ll ignore your absence
Reenact your counterbalance
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Rat Tally Chicago, Illinois
Rat Tally (Addy Harris) Writing sad music for sad people. Or happy people. Or whoever.
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